Listening to my fears
On Tuesday November 5th I served as a Poll Worker at my local election polling site. In New York City the polls open at 6 am and close at 9 pm. After the polls close poll workers sort out the election records. We shut down the polling equipment and it is carted off by police.
When closing the polls, a ticker tape of voting results is run out of the computer scanning ballot boxes. The ballot ticker tape is taped to the wall so that everyone can see it.
I searched out the presidential election results on each of four tapes. One tape readout for each ballot scanner. In my neighborhood of Old Astoria approximately one third of the votes went to Donald J. Trump. Two thirds went to Kamala Harris.
I felt like that was a worrisome number of votes for Trump from my area. I went home and listened to election results on my computer. Before midnight I went to bed. I had plans for next morning. When I awoke and looked at my phone The New York Times was trumpeting that Donald Trump had won the election.
I turned off my phone and went about my day. I had listened to the news over the previous months. Now I did not care to hear pundits clucking about what went wrong. I felt disgusted. I pulled the plug.
I wrote a letter to myself. I pondered the election results and reflected upon what I can learn about myself.
I asked myself what I was fearful of. What was it I wanted to get that I am afraid I won't get? What did I want to happen? Why? What for?
I want a system that respects human rights with laws to entice and encourage.
I want money for small businesses and people with disabilities.
I want to win the war in Ukraine and end the genocide in Gaza.
I want a creative culture that nourishes everyone.
I want a child-care tax credit and money to pay for education. I want these things not because I have children or will go to college. But because it makes good economic sense. It is the right thing to do.
The right thing to do.
These are not everything. There are more wishes for me to list. But I learned about myself. I learned what I stand for. I know that I will continue to work for these things. The struggle is not over. They are still possibilities.